Michael Grose(no date provided)Confident Children - Avoid Overparenting
Retrieved from: http://www.brainy-child.com/article/avoid-overparenting.shtml
Lenore Skenazy (June 9, 2008)Why you shouldn't over-protect your kids
Retrieved from: http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article4095977.ece
Julie Beun, Canwest News Service(no date provided)Stop overprotecting our children
Retrieved from: http://www.canada.com/life/Stop+overprotecting+children/2627387/story.html
LAURA CLARK(21:20 09 September 2007)Over-protective parents robbing children of their childhood, experts warn
Retrieved from: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-480895/Over-protective-parents-robbing-children-childhood-experts-warn.html
Helen R Williams (March 12, 2008 ) Overprotective Parents
Retrieved from: http://ezinearticles.com/?Overprotective-Parents&id=1042777
India Parenting (no date provided) Overprotective Parents
Retrieved from: http://www.indiaparenting.com/articles/data/art09_012.shtml
Bill Engvall (no date provided) Overprotective Dad
Retrieved from: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OverprotectiveDad
ScienceDaily (May 3, 2007) Overprotecting Parents Can Lead Children To Develop 'Peter Pan Syndrome'
Retrieved from: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/05/070501112023.htm
Dr. Domenick Maglio (3 October 2006) Don't overprotect; teach children to do the right thing
Retrieved from: http://www.cyc-net.org/features/viewpoints/c-don'toverprotect.html
BBC News (6 October, 2004)Are we overprotecting our children?
Retrieved from: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/talking_point/3713342.stm
Dad Rants (April 9, 2007 )Are we hurting our kids’ futures by overprotecting them?
Retrieved from: http://dadrants.wordpress.com/2007/04/09/are-we-hurting-our-kids-futures-by-overprotecting-them/
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Overprotcting
Picture this. A man in his early-forties, bearded, wearing slightly scruffy jeans, is following two children aged about twelve and ten down a suburban street. The children are oblivious to their pursuer. And if they seem on the point of turning around to look, he ducks out of sight into a garden or hides behind a nearby tree. What would passers-by think of the man? Could he be a potentially dangerous child molester tracking his next victims? Actually no, it was a father following his children the first time they were allowed to the corner shop by themselves, making sure they were safe crossing the road.
We all know it is good for children to play outdoors, to create social contacts, to learn to cope with quarrels, to learn one's limits and abilities, to create one’s own room, to build forts, and so on - in short, to become independent. Yet, this happens less and less. This is mostly due to our parents’ fear of stranger dangers; the homeless, the drug dealers, the gangs, the molesters… and many more.
In all too many ways, children nowadays suffer more from overprotection than was the case a generation or two ago. Kids are chauffeured to and from school then on to scheduled after school activities and sports leaving little opportunity for spontaneous play. Parents are so concerned about their children getting a little scratch that they limit them in terms of physical activities much more than they used to. Children running around, climbing trees, falling, and getting bruises is no longer considered "normal" or acceptable. Parents fear exposing their children to risks and small dangers. Safety is the new mantra. In the playgrounds, the rope bridge hangs a mere15 cm above the ground. How can a child learn to hang on tightly if there is no real reason to? How can a child learn judgement skills and plain common sense if all the limits are pre-defined and unchallenging to the extreme? How can a child feel the glow of confidence and success for a daring feat finally achieved? Children are growing up much less prepared to deal with life's challenges. In fact, everywhere you look there are new plans to monitor and control children ever more closely. Every hour of a child's time must be observed and must be known. Children have no childhood anymore. It is hard to imagine our current society nurturing a new generation of Edmund Hillarys and Jean Battens. Children are being denied the opportunities for play enjoyed by previous generations because of their parents' paranoia. They just have a never ending, confidence crushing, adventureless, schedule.
However, learning should not be through blind experience It is proven that children who are sheltered from bad things become curious and may stumble into them, whereas if they are informed about something rather than sheltered, then they are less likely to try the activity. It is important to spell out the consequences. A good example is sex education in school. People say it should be banned because it gives kids ideas. I think they should be told as much about it as possible so then they know what's what and can make their own decisions. By doing this, we are giving them a choice, but by not doing this, they have to learn the too hard way.
All those who are adults today will have experienced a much freer childhood than their own kids do now. Children used to wander around alone, catch buses and be sent to the shops at a younger age.
They got into scrapes, or even danger. They learnt to cope. Now parents are trying to teach their own children to cope at the same time as trying to preserve them from taking any of the risks children are meant to learn to handle. I don't believe it is possible. Experience cannot be taught. Children will have to cope later, and they will do so less well.
It is an inescapable pain of parenthood that you cannot do everything for your children. In fact, the best principle to apply in steering them safely towards adulthood is probably one of benign neglect.
Only by teaching children the values YOU want them to learn, by taking charge of educating them early and in an appropriate manner, and by challenging them and affording them responsibility as much as you feel they can handle, not just how much society dictates or people around you TEND to do. In other words, use your own mind, with parenting just as with everything else. But for some people, the temptation to go along with what everyone in their social circle does is just too great.
Make a return to trust and respect, thus to self-confidence. Children and youngsters are far more competent than is normally thought. If we grant them trust and respect - not just overprotection and rules and norms allied to distrust and fear - they develop self-confidence and the ability to act independently. In doing so, we may take their ideas seriously, and use these to create a really child-friendly society.
It is impossible to deny that children of this generation are being overprotected by their parents. However, controlling does not protect, it only limits and endangers.
We all know it is good for children to play outdoors, to create social contacts, to learn to cope with quarrels, to learn one's limits and abilities, to create one’s own room, to build forts, and so on - in short, to become independent. Yet, this happens less and less. This is mostly due to our parents’ fear of stranger dangers; the homeless, the drug dealers, the gangs, the molesters… and many more. In all too many ways, children nowadays suffer more from overprotection than was the case a generation or two ago. Kids are chauffeured to and from school then on to scheduled after school activities and sports leaving little opportunity for spontaneous play. Parents are so concerned about their children getting a little scratch that they limit them in terms of physical activities much more than they used to. Children running around, climbing trees, falling, and getting bruises is no longer considered "normal" or acceptable. Parents fear exposing their children to risks and small dangers. Safety is the new mantra. In the playgrounds, the rope bridge hangs a mere15 cm above the ground. How can a child learn to hang on tightly if there is no real reason to? How can a child learn judgement skills and plain common sense if all the limits are pre-defined and unchallenging to the extreme? How can a child feel the glow of confidence and success for a daring feat finally achieved? Children are growing up much less prepared to deal with life's challenges. In fact, everywhere you look there are new plans to monitor and control children ever more closely. Every hour of a child's time must be observed and must be known. Children have no childhood anymore. It is hard to imagine our current society nurturing a new generation of Edmund Hillarys and Jean Battens. Children are being denied the opportunities for play enjoyed by previous generations because of their parents' paranoia. They just have a never ending, confidence crushing, adventureless, schedule.
However, learning should not be through blind experience It is proven that children who are sheltered from bad things become curious and may stumble into them, whereas if they are informed about something rather than sheltered, then they are less likely to try the activity. It is important to spell out the consequences. A good example is sex education in school. People say it should be banned because it gives kids ideas. I think they should be told as much about it as possible so then they know what's what and can make their own decisions. By doing this, we are giving them a choice, but by not doing this, they have to learn the too hard way.
All those who are adults today will have experienced a much freer childhood than their own kids do now. Children used to wander around alone, catch buses and be sent to the shops at a younger age.
They got into scrapes, or even danger. They learnt to cope. Now parents are trying to teach their own children to cope at the same time as trying to preserve them from taking any of the risks children are meant to learn to handle. I don't believe it is possible. Experience cannot be taught. Children will have to cope later, and they will do so less well.
It is an inescapable pain of parenthood that you cannot do everything for your children. In fact, the best principle to apply in steering them safely towards adulthood is probably one of benign neglect.
Only by teaching children the values YOU want them to learn, by taking charge of educating them early and in an appropriate manner, and by challenging them and affording them responsibility as much as you feel they can handle, not just how much society dictates or people around you TEND to do. In other words, use your own mind, with parenting just as with everything else. But for some people, the temptation to go along with what everyone in their social circle does is just too great.
Make a return to trust and respect, thus to self-confidence. Children and youngsters are far more competent than is normally thought. If we grant them trust and respect - not just overprotection and rules and norms allied to distrust and fear - they develop self-confidence and the ability to act independently. In doing so, we may take their ideas seriously, and use these to create a really child-friendly society.
It is impossible to deny that children of this generation are being overprotected by their parents. However, controlling does not protect, it only limits and endangers.
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Boring 1st week.
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